I need advice/help.

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x_biro.
Beiträge:17
Registriert:Do Mär 08, 2007 10:40 pm
I need advice/help.

Beitrag von x_biro. » Sa Sep 08, 2007 1:08 pm

I've just started College. I was obviously really nervous about it, but I knew nothing would be really bad there. I had my first day yesterday and I just didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. People expected me to make friends straight away and I didn't. Some of my class seem to be abit annoying and my best friends, who are on a different course to me, seem to be having a better time. I know I shouldn't be all negative about it and I should be happy but I find it really hard. Whenever I try and be Positve about something thats worrying/negative in my life, it doesn't work and I get more worried because I think that bad things will happen to me if I'm not a happy person.

Now I'm nervous about going back to College on Monday. My biggest fear isn't the work, it's if I don't end up making friends with people on my course, and then my best friends will make new friends. =/. I feel mean for saying that now.

x_biro.
:).

nicola
Beiträge:60
Registriert:Fr Jul 21, 2006 9:58 pm

Beitrag von nicola » Mo Sep 10, 2007 3:08 pm

OK firstly can I just say that starting anything new is always daunting. New school, new college, new job, new evening class, new
relationship(s) - anything new is a little bit scary. We ALL want to fit in and we ALL want to be liked and popular. Anyone who says they aren't bothered by that is either A: Lying or B: is not like the majority of people!

One of the most important things to remember is that EVERYONE is nervous about starting somewhere new. Everyone is thinking exactly the same as you about wanting to make new friends. "Will they like me?" "Will I like them?" "I hope I have someone to sit with at lunch time". You are not alone I promise. I promise you people are not looking at you and thinking "Look how nervous that person is" as they are too busy worrying about what they are feeling themselves.

I remember my first week at college. Everyone was busy trying to find their way around and make new friends and fit in. One of my lessons was a double lesson with a coffee break in between the two classes. We were locked out of the classroom and we all just hung about until one (very brave) girl said "Right everyone, lets go down to the cafeteria and get a drink together". My goodness what a relief! Thank god someone had taken control! We all trooped down to get a coffee and everyone was soooooooo grateful that someone had taken the lead. That girl gave us all an excuse to be able to sit together and talk. It was what we all needed.

Maybe you could do something similar. Perhaps by shifting the focus off yourself it may help you relax a bit. Still, not to worry as she was very very brave and Im not sure I could have done the same. (I would now though!)

Im sure that since you posted your message that things have changed for you anyway (even just a little?). But please remember that its quite usual to feel so self conscious and worried. THe reason why making (and keeping) friends is so important, is that the good ones can come with us through our lives and help us to share wonderful experiences.

When reading your message i noticed that you are not worrying about your course work. That in itself is a good thing. Do you see your confidence there? You obviously are so capable that its not something to be concerned about. I think thats great. Maybe if you concentrate on how confident you are elsewhere (ie your coursework) you will feel more positive and this will affect other areas of your life. It always works like that doesnt it?

Also you are worried about your old friends making new friends. Try and think how great it would be as you will be able to be their friends too. This way you get to easily make new friends through your old friends. These new friends will be thinking how great your friendship is with your old friends! They will want to try and have that kind of relationship with you and your old friends too. Wont they? Think how they will feel being the "new" ones - they wont be able to compete with how great your friendships already are. See, its not all bad. You may get to meet some fabulous new people this way. You will be introduced to loads of new opinions, beliefs, types of music and all sorts of wonderful "life" influences.

This will probably be one of the most memorable times in your life. Approach it with love and joy if you can and you may get much more out of it. What have you got to lose by trying that method of approach?

Good luck. Keep us posted!

I bet everyone on this site who reads your message will be sending you loving happy thoughts. I know I am.

x

PS Bad things wont happen to you if you are not a happy person. But being happy does allow more good things in. Thats all. :D

x_biro.
Beiträge:17
Registriert:Do Mär 08, 2007 10:40 pm

Beitrag von x_biro. » Mo Sep 10, 2007 6:45 pm

Thankyou so much for that post! It has helped so much. You are right about everything you said. Today was abit better, I talked to a few people. I'm just really really shy.

We have been told what were going to be working on, but we haven't actually done any of it yet. :). I enjoy what I'm studying so I'm not too worried about the Coursework and stuff.

About the new friends, I never looked at it that way, I just assumed that the new friends would just stick with my old friends.

From now on I am going to try to do what you said; approach it with love and joy. :). I want to try and be positive about everything in my life. Recently I have found it very hard and then I would try and force myself to be happy because I thought that something bad would happen.

Thankyou so much Nicola!
:).
XXXX.
:).

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