English Forum. This is the place for any questions and discussions regarding the contents of Bärbel's books as well as life in the age of the aquarius in general.

Moderatoren:bluejupiter, Rokko

Registriert:Fr Jun 29, 2007 2:42 pm

Beitrag von Sandra12 » Fr Jun 29, 2007 2:52 pm

I am writing to you from Holland. I am reading Baerbel's book in Dutch and am wondering how this will work with children...

Let me explain my situation to you:
I am a mother of two little children. My son is 3,5 years old, and my daughter is 9 months. Both children don't want to go to sleep. With my son this has been terrible, but during the last year it has been fine.
My daughter is a little bit easier, but still, if she doesn't want to go to bed, she cries, cries, cries (better: wails...)

So I am wishing that things change or better that things already have changed.
I would be so happy to just put my daughter to bed without any form of protest. And ofcourse I only put her in her bed when she really is yawning and so on...

So my question is, how does this asking process work if it doesn't directly apply to me? Does anyone have any experience with this?

Thx for your advice!
gr. Sandra from Holland

Registriert:Fr Jul 21, 2006 9:58 pm

Beitrag von nicola » Fr Jun 29, 2007 4:57 pm

Hi Sandra

I have a 3 year old son. When he was first born my partner and I did not know anything about babies and how to raise them! Neither of us had relatives or friends with young babies. We came across a book called The Contended Little Baby by Gina Ford. (I dont know if you have it in Holland). It worked miracles for us. At three weeks old we were able to put our son to bed at 7.00pm in the evening. Wake him for 2 feeds in the night and he would sleep to 7.00am in the morning. I since found out that two friends used her routine too when they were at their wits end.

Gina Ford's routine has caused much controversy (you will see some mother and baby websites have banned people from talking about her - its all gone a bit crazy) because she recommends that you follow a strict routine with when you feed them, play with them and let them sleep.

In the first few months of their lives the sleep patterns are strictly structured so that they are awake enough to exercise (on play mats, being taken out in the pushchair for fresh air etc), they get fed at regular intervals so they dont get too hungry (she even tells you how much to feed them!) and when and how to put them to bed - so they get enough sleep not be tired (which makes them grumpy), but not so much sleep in the day that they wont sleep at night.

She also recommends the use of black out lining and black out blinds in their rooms. We took ours down when my son was 3, but we even took some lining on holidays with us, prior to this!

Fortunately for us she even told us when to change their nappies! Honestly we hadnt got a clue.

Now not everyone can run with such a strict routine and I have long been an admirer of mums and dads who can relax about routines, sleeps and feeds etc. It suited me, but it may not suit everyone.

All I would say is that at 3and half years old he still goes to bed at 7.00pm and now we dont get him up until 8.00-8.30am. Even if he wakes up he will stay happily playing or talking to his teddies in his room until getting up time. I would say that apart from the times when he has been ill, we have had to go into him maybe 20 times/nights because he has woken up and was upset. I promise thats true, even if it sounds unbelievable.

There are a couple of main points of Gina Ford's sleep routine. Firstly you do not rock or cuddle your baby to sleep. (This is where the controversy comes in as some mums and dads cant bear to do this. We were of the opinion that they gets lots of cuddles during the day so it was a small sacrifice). Before you put them to bed you make sure everything is ok (ie they not hungry, their nappies changed, or they been on the potty etc). The last half hour before they go to bed should be calm and quiet. Read them a gentle story or put on a non stimulating DVD. Then tuck them up, give them a kiss and leave the room.

As your children are a little bit older, you may have to try something called "controlled crying" at first. This is a principle used by many nannies (Including Gina Ford). You leave the child to cry for 1 minute. THen go back in. You do not pick the child up or talk. Just gently reassure by touch (eg stroke their hair). This lets them know you are still around. Then leave the room again. In extreme cases I have even heard of people who put a chair in the room next to the bed and gradually move it away, towards the door. It takes a while but gradually increase the time for going back in to settle them, until they fall asleep by themselves. It does work but it takes some persistence because as you know, little ones are remarkably stubborn and they know just how to cry to make you react - its part of nature's way!

That is a brief outline of "controlled crying". I strongly advise you read up on the method properly and see if its something you think you could do. It is not cruel as what it means is your child will learn to have a proper night's sleep and will benefit from it. Sometimes a minute can seem like an eternity though, so dont be too harsh on yourself. :wink:

There are loads of website out there where you can go on forums and chat to other mums about this too.

As far as cosmic ordering goes for this situation, I have not had much success on the rare occasions when my little one has woken and refused to go back to sleep. Although I have tried to calmly and gratefully imagine that I am in the situation where he is fast and contentedly asleep, the fact he has been screaming in the background has meant in reality that I wasnt really in the right place for the Cosmic Order to happen at that moment.

I did have episode not too long ago when his daddy had gone away for the weekend and he wasnt feeling well. It was probably the worst night I have ever had with him. It was almost as if he went into a screaming trance. Horrible. While it was happening I did Cosmically Order that we (him and I) were having a good night's uninterrupted sleep and we were both happy and well. It didnt happen that night but the next night it was just as I had ordered. Maybe we were both shattered, maybe I had got my order? I dont know. Perhaps for the long haul you could order a way to be revealed to you to sort out the sleep problem?

I hope this has been of some help. Tell us if you have any success. I am sending you good vibes through space in the meantime, as I know how awful no sleep can make you feel.

Peace and a good night's rest to you!